No Matter Your Situation

As I'm laying here in my bed with my usual migraine, my dog cuddled at my feet, looking through pictures of lost animals from the Oklahoma tornado on Facebook, I have nothing but the utmost respect, compassion,empathy, and admiration for these people who have had their lives turned upside down. Growing up in Southern California I had it pretty easy. Not too hot, not too cold, just right. I never lived through a big earth quake or was personally affected by fires. I don't remember the heat from living in Arizona when I was little. Living in Utah while going to massage wasn't too bad either. Yes, I complained about the hot summers (again I'm used to 75/80 being hot) and the snow and cold winters (I was a California girl), but never did I experience a blizzard or any extreme weather. I guess I just took it all for granted how lucky and blessed I really was. Am. 

Tornado's terrify me. I've only ever seen one once. I was around seven or eight. it was during our families usual summer camping trips in Wyoming with my aunt's family before she divorced her ex-husband. A few of us had gone into town  to get a few things, it was stormy and raining. On the way back to the campsite in a field next to the road this small twister touches down. Of course I think we're all going to die, and in my memory it is a lot bigger than it actually was (I was a kid, and an imaginative one at that).  That was my close encounter with a "tornado". 

Seeing the devastation in Oklahoma on the news, entire cities flattened and torn apart, I realize I could never do that. Maybe now because I'm older and I know just what all this means, but I don't know if I could be that strong. Most of these people lost EVERYTHING. They have to start all over. Build a new house, new clothes, new furniture, new everything... Possibly just do it all over again. Now I know those are the important things in life. Family, friends, loved ones, people, life. That's what really matters. However, as I looked around my room this morning I was thinking, "what could I live without?" My clothes, yeah sure, buy new ones. My shoes I'd dearly miss, but again, buy new ones. My books which are a big part of me would be really hard, but again, start over. Movies, again hard (I love movies), but they can be replaced. What I had the hardest time with was photographs, memories, my grandma's ring and the book she would always read to me when I was little. The "things" that have importance and meaning to them. The actual "things" I can't replace. 

I think of my pets, who I love dearly and would heart broken without. And then I think back to the people of Oklahoma. How strong they must be. They don't pack up the things they have left and move. They stay. They stand their ground. They rebuild. Some may say that's foolish, I say it's brave. You cannot let fear define you. Or where you live. 

As the cities in Oklahoma proceed search and rescue efforts, reunite families, loved ones, and pets, get help and treatment, they will be able to clean away the debris, clean the cities, and rebuild. And if they have the help of others they will be able to start to heal. 

I know if I was in their place I would be a horrible mess. My heart and prayers go out to these courageous people. 

Weekend Reboot

General Conference:
possibly the best four days, two weekends of the year for Mormons.  There's not many other people that would get excited about spending their Saturday & Sunday watching four hours of religious talk.  That's Mormons for you.  And I LOVE it! I love being a Mormon. I love General Conference.  I love hanging on the couch, notebook in hand hearing the words of our amazing church leaders.  I agree, it's weird.  I thought it was weird when I was younger as well. Still, nothing beats uplifting, inspiring words of the prophet & apostles.  Conference weekend is like a reboot to your system.  Both spiritually & emotionally.

Don't get me wrong.  There were conferences that I didn't get much out of.  It was just the usual excuse to watch church in your pajamas & get away with sleeping most the day.  Yet, as I have grown & my testimony as grown with me I have learned the importance of actually listening & paying better attention to the words which were being spoken.  The Lord knows us all to well & if we are not careful we will miss out on the inspiration & answers we are asking for.

I love General Conference.  I wish we could have it every week.  What a treat for us to be given counsel from the great men & women called from Heavenly Father to help us & guide us through our time on earth.  I am so grateful for their love & their guidance.  To help us return to our Father in Heaven.  I am so grateful for my Heavenly Father & for my Savior Jesus Christ, that I am given such great examples in my life.  Examples to help me & guide me to make & choose a righteous life.

To many who think it strange, they do not understand or are ignorant to the ways of the Mormon religion.  I agree, many of the traditions & rituals may seem silly. Still, how can something that can bring you SO much happiness & peace be looked down upon or be wrong? I have not always been strong in standing up for what I believe.  I've been embarrassed or cared too much what others though.  I struggled & fought to get where I am today & I still strive everyday to be better.  I am proud to say now that I am a Mormon, a Latter-Day-Saint.  I cannot deny the feeling I get when I am at church or at the temple.  This gospel is true.  Heavenly Father loves us, He loves me & He has provided a way back to Him.

I am grateful everyday for this gospel, for the guidance & counsel of our great church leaders.  I am incredibly grateful for my Savior who provided me with the atonement.  That because of Him I can strive daily to become a better person & to know I am not alone, ever.  I am grateful for my loving family, without them I would not be able to make it.  I am grateful for the scriptures from which we learn of the truthfulness of this gospel.  I know without a doubt that this church is true.  I cannot deny that peace & happiness it brings me.  The surety there is a God and He loves us.  I know it in my heart. I am a Child of God.  I know as I seek to become a righteous witness of Christ & stand firm in His ways I can be with my Heavenly Father again.

Lemonade, or something like it...

The phrase "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade" is popular among the optimistic and those trying to power forward.  Lemons make more then lemonade though.  Theres lemon bars, lemon cookies, lemon pie, lemon cake, and so on and so forth.  In that case, why stick to just lemonade?  What if you don't like lemonade, or cake, or pie?  Or what if your lemonade turns out too sour or sweet? Too watery or strong?  What if your cookies burn, you cake doesn't rise.. what if, what if, what if... It's good to have to choices and to be able to have a choice to fall back on if your lemonade doesn't turn out. 

Start of a Good Year

Things have been going so well for me lately.  The beginning of the year I joined a gym and am on my way to loosing all the weight that I have gained from being sick last year.  So far I have lost 10 1/2 pounds!  Work has been getting busier for me.  I am getting more return clients!  I have a calling in my new ward, I'm meeting new people and getting my life back from the year from hell.  After the worst year last year, I am so grateful and lucky to be getting back to myself and all the things I have accomplished.  I am grateful for my wonderful friends who I miss dearly and for the new friendships I am making.  Coming into the second month of this new year I am ready and eager for wait lies ahead.  I am ready to take charge of my life and see where the possibilities will take me. 

Love you all ~ KK

Today

Today is the date of the birth of a very special lady.  And a lady she was.  She defined the word.  Today I remember this lady.  This lady, who rarely, if ever, you saw get angry.  This lady who never complained and always had a kind word to spare.  This who always had a smile on her gentle, caring, loving face.  Today I miss this lady.  This lady who held me on her lap and read "The Owl And The Pussy Cat" over and over again.  This lady who showed up at every soccer game no matter how early, how late, or how far away.  This lady who remembered every holiday with a card and a special note.  This lady who shared my love of animals, especially elephants, and would send me a small note just to let me know about the new baby at the Wild Animal Park.  Today I cherish this lady.  This lady I was able to have wonderful memories with.  This lady I was able to grow up the street from.  This lady I had my whole childhood.  This lady I share a name with.  Today I am grateful for this lady.  This lady who was such a shining example of charity. This lady who loved others before herself.  This lady who gave.  Today I honour this lady.  This lady who I hope to make proud. This lady I wish to be half the lady she was.  This lady I share blood with and share my looks.  This lady who I love more than life itself.  My grandmother.  Kathleen Ryan Marquardt.  Happy Birthday grandma,  you are forever missed.  My world is a little less bright without you in it to brighten it up.

Sicky sicky sick sick sick

The past week has been horrible! I have been so sick! Horrible cough, ton of bricks on my chest, hard to breath, sore throat, can't sleep sick. Last Friday I went to the doctor. She looked at my throat, listened to my chest and gave my an antibiotic. I pretty much had to talk her into giving me something to help with the difficulty breathing thing.  So I left the doctors with an antibiotic and an inhaler.  The next few days were no better.  Coughing 24/7, sleeping like 5 hours the most each day (if that) and just being miserable. I had to sit up and couldn't sleep that way and I couldn't lay down cause then I would cough a lung up.  Well Monday I was no better so I went to the doctors again.  She basically said the other doctor was crazy and shouldn't of given me an antibiotic.  She gave me a different inhaler and prednione.  I also took something to help me sleep that night.  Oh my goodness I would like to give that doctor a big fat kiss! My cough is pretty much gone, and because of that the ton of bricks on my chest, the breathlessness, sore throat, and no sleeping is pretty much gone too! Woohoo! I am now done with my self pity rant.

Love to you all ~ KK

A Day to Remember, A Day to Honour, A Day to Stand

Some say we haven't changed.  Some say we've made irrational choices.  Some say it's just an excuse. 

But one day a year we all stand united, we all become the best Americans we can, we all put ourselves aside for a day.  One day a year we remember, we honour, we grieve.  We wave our flags high.  

           Never Forget: September 11, 2001 (9/11)

10 years ago I was in my parents bedroom all ready for school, I was in 6th grade.  The TV was on and my parents and I watched while the horrible events of the morning.  I didn't really understand it, but I knew it was bad. 

Yesterday I met a lady who was in New York that terrible day.She told my mom and me how she could never forget that day.  The sight of people jumping out of windows, the smell of burning flesh, the shock of it all.  One positive thing she did say was the whole city came together and help everyone and anything.  She said to this day she makes sure she is working on the 11th.  She has to keep busy, then at the end of the day, when she is at home she will break down and cry.   I never thought of the witnesses of 9/11.  How their life was also turned upside down.  My heart goes out not only to those who lost family and loved ones, but also to the survivors and witnesses of that horrible day.  To those who had to make the hardest decision of their life that day.  I honour and am so grateful for those who gave and lost their lives. To those who give their lives so that I may have a safe place to live. To the military, firefighters, policemen, paramedics, etc. To those who went back to help those in need, did not runaway from those who tried to tear us down.  To a country that stood united when under attack.

   I am proud to be an American

 I will never forget.